Vivid reflexions of a dour monsoon day.

Circa June-July 1997.

My H.S.C. exam results were out. Had scored well on a macroscopic level ( missed Distinction by just .5 %) . But I was pretty ashamed of my PCM scores. Sore disappointment of not scoring well where it mattered most was compounded during the Engineering College Admission rounds
that started in mid June-end of July , when it was revealed that my scores were apalling when compared to the ones scored by a zillion of the other students trying to get an admission into a decent engineering college. Engineering college admissions were centralized during that time. As a result all the wannabe engineers used to converge at VJTI for purchasing the engg. admission forms. I went to get mine along with my papa ( who , thankfully , had taken leave from work) . I had shrugged off all speculations of gigantic serpentine queues of humanity that one normally comes across during the admission process as a product of an hyperactive imagination. Boy , How wrong was I! The queue was so long, it stretched on for a kilometer or more. Papa managed to get us into the line but the pace was pretty slow.It was funny to experience the pain of standing in a queue which was moving at a snails pace and comparing it with the pace at which my watch was counting down the time. Both were so contrasting! One was hardly moving and the other was running down as if it was a stopwatch! And to make matters worse, Papa was nowhere in sight. People has started going home by breaking off from the queue and my confidence of actually getting an admission form ( let alone admission into a decent college ) was sinking like the titanic. I was cursing the fates in the back of my mind. Amidst all this confusion , I hear a familiar voice. Papa! My mental condition was getting worse and I was in a really foul mood. Papa told me since there were only around 15 minutes for the college to shut shop there was no point in hanging around. And me being me, just retorted back by saying something stupid like "but ..but We waited so long for this.We just can't leave empty handed!I want my admission form!!" . Papa just raised his voice and blurted, "Come along!". But I couldnt hear any scathing anger in his voice which was kinda weird. In fact he was feeling exultant and smiling along. Initially I just felt that he had lost it.Standing all day long in the humid,sultry sun had melted my papas thinking cap . Felt like a school kid being dragged away from his favourite chatwala. Felt sore.Felt remorseful and contrite. And assumed Papa had developed some sadistic fetish of enjoying my apathy. Hoo Boy...How wrong was I!

Now let me tell you about an uncharacteristic trait that my papa possessed. He is really street smart. So when he realised that time was running out and there was no point in waiting in the queue, he just nonchalantly entered the college premises pretending to be a college professor out to meet his fellow associate in VJTI. When he was stopped by the guards, he just showed them his Business card! All the maddening crowd was a boon in disguise as the guards were they were more concerned about managing the humongous crowd of humanity that was knocking at the college doors. And thats how he got in, coolly joined one of the queues and got my Admission Form.

That's my papa!

I spent the trip back day dreaming about all the stuff I would be doing in a good college. Being surrounded by girls..Oh so many of them all around..fluttering around like butterflies...which reminded me of the butterflies in my stomach...now why was I feeling queasy about this midsummer reverie of mine? Oh yeah.My PCM Marks.
P-O-P.
There burst the bubble.Coming back to reality papa and I were discussing about the funding in case we didnt get free seats.All this serious talk sometimes makes time fly and before I knew it I was back in Thane. It was drizzing as we alighted from the local.It was a dull ,sultry monsoon day. One of those days when your mood is driven by the weather. I could imagine the weather pushing and pulling all sorts of twisted mechanical contraptions in my mind, resetting this - refreshing that , till I felt tired and morose and a bit down .As we stepped out from Thane Station, I glanced at the music store that lie just outside the gates of the station. And then ....I saw it.

There it lay. The object of my affection. MTVs Alternative Nation-The Album.I had heard about the cassette in a review that had come in the Indian Express, plus MTV was playing the promos on TV. The Artists on that cassette were the princes' of Alternatica. Oasis,Suede,Garbage,The Eels,Ocean Color Scene,Weezer et al. As it lay there huddled surrounded by other cassettes having disturbing content inside them( Ghazals,Devotional Music, Indi-Rappers, Govinda remixes etc etc) , I actually realised that I didnt have enough funds to pruchase the cassette!
So I had to do what every normal teenager with musical aspirations in his heart and empty pockets in his jeans does. I summed up the courage to ask Papa for money to buy the cassette.
I knew things hadnt turned out really well on that day. And Papa is known to be notorious when it comes to spending money.Its not that hes a miser.But he sure aint a spendthrift like moi.
Anyways, It turned out that todays cloud had a silver lining,he coughed up 125 Rs. and I was a proud owner of a brand new MTV -Alternative Nation : The Album cassette.

Music has this power over us humans.Sometimes our memories get trapped in music. And when we listen to those special songs, along with the pleasure of listening to good music, our minds get flooded with those vivid memories that we felt or experienced when we had listened to those songs for the first time.So when I listened to all the songs when I came back home that fateful afternoon, I knew that something special was happening in me. I was changing.I was no longer a teenager. I realised that life was not simple any more. Things were going to get more nasty and complicated.I was made aware of the responsibilites that parents take every day of their lives to make their childrens lives better.They keep doing it all the time....but we never notice,do we?
The pitter patter of the rain in the balcony reminded me that although chance of me becoming an engineer actually looked bleak and unsure, things would change.

And now, whenever I get a chance to listen to Suedes-Trash or MSP -The Day we Caught the train or Oasis-"Some might Say", the music flows...and so do the memories.